GUEST POST: Books I Will Never Read (Ash @ Smash Attack Reads)

Today, as part of of blogiversary celebration, I’m happy to have Ash from Smash Attack Reads on the blog for a guest post! Thank you, Ash, for being a part of the celebration!

Some of these are also on MY list and I could definitely come up with a whole new list of my own with books I know I will probably never read.

Smash is a social worker, reader, and blogger who “enjoys Paranormal Romance, Urban Fantasy, Horror, and Young Adult Fantasy / Paranormal. [She also loves] books that dabble in Angel or Greek mythology, have a Dystopian setting, or involve zombies!”

Visit Smash: 
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Books I Will Never Read

I want to thank Kristilyn for inviting me to blab on her blog birthday! I‘m excited to share the books I will never read with her readers, because hey, you want to hear about books I will never read, right? J I’m very interested to hear the discussions, bitching and book-bullying that will likely come from this post. It shall be entertaining.

Let’s start with the obvious:

Nope. It will never happen, much to my mother’s dismay. Yes, my mother. Ha. Many mothers, grandmothers, aunts, some uncles, even, have loved these books. They’ve breathed sexual intensity back into their lives, or something. I read a passage someone posted on Tumblr, and it involved a tampon. Yea…no, thanks. And there is that small fact that these derived from Twilight fanfic. Ick.

Anything by Nicholas Sparks:

I even own a few, because honestly, I want to read them. Will it ever happen? Probably Not. Why? Because I truly love the movies made from his books, and after seeing a movie, reading the book is just not the same. I much prefer reading first. I think most of us are that way. I’m also not a huge romance reader, especially of the contemporary nature. Dear John was probably the least enjoyable movie, so maybe one day. And now that I’m thinking about it, I still haven’t seen the latest one with a very grown up, smexy, smoldering, Zac Efron. Mmmm….Off to Netflix I go.

Ok, I’m back. My head is clear. *clears throat* This next one might get a tomato or 8 thrown at me. I have headgear on.

Anything by Jane Austen:

EEEEEEEP. I know! How can I call myself a reader? Or a lady? Yikes. I should hide under a rock, right? I’m so ashamed. Not really. I’m Just. Not. Interested. There are almost 1700 books on my I’d like to read before I die but it won’t happen because I keep adding to the list pile. Books that appeal to me way more than Mr. Darcy. Blasphemous, I know!

A Song of Fire and Ice series

My husband has been flying through these dense, mammoth epic fantasy books. He so wishes I would read them so we can chat about them. In all honesty, I doubt I will ever read them because I cannot handle 8 pages of description. Of a dragon. Or a nipple. Or an imp. I discovered I couldn’t handle intense descriptions when I read The Scarlett Letter in high school. I mean, I truly love the TV show. The acting and world-building are fantastic. Tyrion is one of the best characters ever, in the history of ever. Peter Dinklage is the MAN! But, those books…ugh.

And lastly….these just will never happen. Ever.

So, what’s on your NEVER list? Or, if you so wish, WHY should I read any of the above?

© 2012, Smash Attack Reads. First posted on Reading in Winter. All rights reserved.

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35 thoughts on “GUEST POST: Books I Will Never Read (Ash @ Smash Attack Reads)

  1. Great list.I’m with you until the end – are the last three included because they’re long? Or supposedly boring? I am telling you, you DO want to read Les Mis! It’s so good that I was angry for not having read it sooner!

    • Their length and their subject, really. I cannot wait to see the new Les Mis movie, but those types of books would never hold my attention. Why did you like it so much? :)

      • Beautifully written, epic story, great characters. There were some parts I didn’t enjoy, particularly the detail about the political goings-on, but Jean Valjean is unforgettable. It IS super long, though!

  2. I agree with almost all the books there, I don’t think I’d read any of them. Except for the Song of Fire and Ice Series. I’ve already read the first book, and it was very long and full of descriptions, but it was also interesting. I hope to read through them at some point, but no idea when that will be. Even if I don’t get back into them at least my fiance can try them out.
    I had to read les Miserables in school, in french, and then act out some scenes with a mean teacher. Was so not fun, never reading that book again.

    • I love the setting & plot of the Fire & Ice books, but the show works just fine for me. heh. See, why do they make teens read epic books in French? WHY? :)

      • I’ve never had to read a book in French! I’m not sure how it is across Canada, but most schools have to take French since the country is bilingual. I was never very good at it! Didn’t know reading BOOKS in French was a requirement in some schools!

  3. I read the Shades trilogy. I want to stab my eyes out.
    I love love love love Games of Thrones, the show. I tried to read book 1, and while it was nearly exact to the show, I agree w/the overly descriptiveness of it. Oh. My. God.
    My neighbor is now the proud momma to it. lol
    I must say I agree with your entire list. I have no interest in Jane either. I tried and was like whoa.
    Dear John. Oh my. It wasn’t that great.
    What do you think of Twilight? Like the movies?
    Thank you for the great list :-)

    • I was a huge Twilight fan before the first movie and had my share of fanaticism when the movie came out. I got over it pretty quickly, however, once I started blogging and discovered tons of books that blow that series to bits!

  4. I’m with you on Jane Austen. I’m just not interested, either. :(

    Interesting note about the Song of Ice and Fire series. I didn’t know it was prone to lengthy descriptions. That kind of thing is what almost ruined the Wheel of Time series for me. I think (someday) I might still make an attempt at the first book and see if I can get through it.

    And your last three? Yeah, me too.

    • Most epic fantasy has lengthy descriptions. I would love to read a lot of it but I just can’t get past the boredom of the writing style.

      • Hmmm, I suppose you’re right. I’ve read a decent amount of fantasy from Forgotten Realms, but I guess the difference is that most of those aren’t “epic”?

  5. I don’t think I would EVER read the 50 Shades series, even though my sister insists that they’re not all too horrible (she skipped a lot of it). It’s just not interesting to me.

    As for other books I will never read… I don’t think I’d read most urban fantasy romances, or erotica. I also avoid a lot of the classics, mostly because they intimidate me!

    • I am so not interested in 50 Shades either. My mom won’t shut up about it and gets quite angry that I always force books on her but I won’t read this one series that she suggests. LOL. I am not intimidated by classics. Some are awesome stories with incredible themes and meanings and stuff. For the most part though, they bore me. :/

  6. I’m with you for a lot of this list. Although for different reasons. Nicholas Sparks because I find his books absolutely cheestastic and I can’t stand them. Ick. And Jane Austen…well I read Pride & Prejudice and just didn’t see what there was to love about. I actually despise almost all the characters…and I don’t think that’s how you’re supposed to feel. And that experience has put me off her other books.

    But the last three. I’ve read Les Mis and 90% of War and Peace and they are two of my all time favourites. Don’t let the length put you off. They are so worth reading.

    To my own list I have to add anything by Orson Scott Card. Loved Ender’s Game when I first read it, but his constant homophobic outburst make me not want to give him another dime of my money.

    • Why only 90% How could you stop then?? :)
      I’ve yet to read Card though I have a few of his books. Sad to hear about his homophobic issues though. :/

  7. I concur with the Fifty Shades series and the Nicholas Sparks books. I will never read those. As for Jane Austen…ugh, I want to give them a try. Maybe. Possibly. I can’t decide. I have also read the first two in the Songs of Fire and Ice series. They are soooooo long and at times more descriptive than I want.

    • I got through about 100 pages in the 1st Fire & Ice book. It was so very close to the show, that I decided to save myself the sanity and just watch the show, which is really good. Now hubs says the 2nd seasons sways a little….*sigh*

  8. I won’t read classics or anything they force you to read in schools. This made me hate reading when I was younger. I’d rather something entertaining that can’t be used in englishclass to prove English stuff haha.

    • I am so happy that a lot of younger teachers are introducing more up-to-date books for kids to enjoy and not suffer through…

  9. Oh my goodness, don’t bother with Dear John. I haven’t read a Sparks book since that one. It’s so blatant in its emotional tugging. It’s ending is different than the movie’s and I really don’t like either of them.

  10. Haha, I love Song of Fire and Ice :3 I have yet to read 50 Shades though… maybe someday, if I ever run out of other books…. I do like some Nicholas Sparks, but I’m not a huge fan, I do like the movies though!

    As for classics, I’m trying to read a list that has most of those on in, if not all. Going to take years..lol

    I’m not sure if there is a book I won’t read. I tried Ulyssess and it’s the only book I’ve ever not finished.. so bad!

  11. I love Jane Austen but other than that I’m pretty much with you. (I like George RR Martin, but it’s true that they have a ton of description). I will never, ever, ever read Fifty Shades. From what people have told me about it (people who loved it) it just sounds like borderline domestic violence to me. Maybe I’m wrong in saying that, but since I truly feel that way about it, I know that there’s no way I will find it sexy.

    • Well, 50 Shades is about a BDSM relationship, which definitely includes violence but both partners OK it. If that isn’t your thing, than I would steer clear.

  12. Ha! I feel the same way about the George RR Martin series and the last 3 classics you posted. I’d actually love to say I’ve read them one day, but I know it will never, ever happen. If only I could somehow read them without actually reading them….haha. I hate to admit this, but I do read the odd Sparks book here and there, but I fully admit they are cheesy, etc, etc. I just usually try to read the book before the movie and I pretty much love his movies when I’m looking for a good romance flick. You MUST watch The Lucky One. I didn’t read that one, but LOVED the movie. Zac Efron – you no teenager anymore! ;)

  13. I really love Nicholas Spark’s books, the old ones anyways. They are awesome!! But that’s probably because I’m a sucker for romance. I still haven’t read Jane Austen yet… but I’m trying it out! I got a few pages of my e-book P&P but haven’t made it through because on my iPod when I got to bed and end up falling asleep, hehe.

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  16. Great list, Ash! I tried to read Game of Thrones and couldn’t get very far–just not my thing. And I’m also not a Jane Austen fan. I don’t like to work too hard when I read. But I have a couple of disagreements about your list. I’ve read an abridged version of Les Mis and it’s one of the best books I’ve even read. Have you seen the stage show? Incredible. (Of course, I love it because it made me cry so maybe that’s not your thing! But the themes of integrity, forgiveness, and love are so meaningful in my opinion.) And after all the criticism of Fifty Shades I thought I’d hate the books (I too read passages that made me cringe) but I LOVED them! I haven’t read the third yet but I encourage you to try them one day. The tampon scene is disgusting but in the context of the book it’s not that bad. The characters are lovely and I encourage you to give it a try before condemning it.

    • I have not seen the stage show of Les Mis but have seen an older movie. I enjoyed it. I cannot wait for the new movie – it looks amazeballs. I am fairly certain that I would not get through the book though, but I could be wrong.

      As far as 50 Shades, I’m just not interested! It’s not my thing, and while i like to step outside of my comfort zone, this would fall at the very end of my to-try list. My mom begs me to read them every time we talk books. :)

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